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excerpt from notes app last night

i'm in bed. it's just turned 4am. it's raining outside. and it's nice.

I've had a very bad time lately. and I've sort of lost focus on who I am. I started seeing myself as the struggle. but it's 4am. and it's raining. I like the rain. and I think that's more important than the hurt. my name is [Luke]. I am 17 years old. every time it rains when I'm in bed I open my window so I can hear it better. i like to draw and animate. I like cheesy sci fi and old movies and collecting cds/dvds. I love getting pretentious and I have genuine appreciation for modern art. I used to know how to make balloon animals and I could probably learn if I tried again. I love customising things, every time I join a new social media or game I spend at least an hour first customising everything to my liking because its fun. I like to sing but only ever when I'm alone. when I hug people I repeat nice things in my head about them and hope us touching heads can transfer my thoughts to them. I like cold breezes and I like people playing with my hair and I like the rain.

I'm a person. and everything hurts right now but I'm going to be okay because this isn't forever. I'm 17 and I'm going to get better some day.

and I hope that version of me is looking back on this and smiling.

Good night.