I am a prodigy at making people uncomfortable. Since my mental illness takes up so much of my life and my day and i am hiding it from my parents i feel the need to tell everyone about it. It makes people so uncomfortable. Most mental illnesses come along with the urge to hide everything but nah. I almost brag. But not really because it sucks. My heart is out in the open and you can see what is wrong with me and if you use that to your advantage i will try to kill myself and then start bragging about that too. I really do not like this about myself by the way. I made an animation about it!!! (also, this link leads to my secret vent youtube channel so if you want to see my mental illness more check out my videos!!)
This whole problem is the reason i made this website. Instead of bragging to people i know, i post it on my site and boom i don't need to embarrass myself. Its better because i don't know any of you, and you all knew what you were getting into when you read this so i don’t have to feel guilty #score.
What is it called when you have symptoms of various personality disorders but always just a little less tha what is needed to actually be assigned one? Because i swear to GOD i am 2 seconds away from schizotypal personality disorder but some things people say dont always fit so ?????? also it feels weird to self diagnose things it makes me feel bad. I’m edging a personality disorder.
Okay, in specific, schizotypal personality disorder. I mean it makes sense since schizotypal is basically just autism but with some more flavour (the flavour is he hallucinations and delusions) but like. I’m not THAT socially isolated and i have a few close friends. I think? I don’t know what friends are. Sometimes it feels like my “close friends” are co-workers i have more fun with. I feel like a jester performing. But i do have friends, and a symptom of schizotypal is having no friends. Apparently. Thats so fucking funny im sorry.
Second, im not THAT paranoid of others intentions, like not to more then the?? Normal amount. I KNOW that sounds bad but like i do constantly suspect people hate me for small mistakes i make but it doesn’t make me angry it just scares and sometimes frustrates me?
ALSO MY SPEECH IS NOT THAT STRANGE!!!!!!!!! I speak NORMALLY except for when im having FUN. its FUN to talk like a freak. Also i dont underacheive in school right now, but thats probably because i’m in an art course at college which is my lifelong dream. I did underacheive in high school. Also FUCK YOU WHAT DO YOU MEAN “odd dress sense” ITS FUN TO GO OUT DRESSED WHIMSICALLY.
Do i have it? Despite matching up with many symptoms, probably no. its all very circumstantial and all the problems can tie back to other shit i got going on but its really funny how well most of the symptoms match me. Like the more i research the more i think “haha me forreal” but theres defo 1 or 2 symptoms i might need to strech a bit to fit. Ok ive researched more and this is getting worrying so its time for me to back away
Ok thought time. I don’t believe in a god in the typical sense. But the universe is unfathomably large, and it created us. The universe creates itself, it creates everything. The universe created consciousness, so who is to say the universe itself isnt conscious? Admittedly, it probably is not conscious in the way you or i am. But in a different way, so far removed from the human experience it is impossible to tell apart from nothingness. How can you look at the sky and tell me it is not alive? Everything is alive! Every single thing is alive in its own specific way, well, except for the dead. The universe is alive and it creates. Who is to say we are not a small part of that wall making up something bigger than ourselves? Our concept of life is a grain of sand, bult upon evry other living thing to create a consciousness what we are a part of, yet is so far removed. Like a grain of sand making up a beach. I think it can speak to anyone if you think hard enough. Ive always known, but i never really internalized it all until recently.