Ive been putting this one off for a while because well. I’m 18. I should probably be making a fuss about that in some way? But honestly, for the first time in a while i don’t really care. I can’t go back. And i won’t pretend that doesn’t haunt me but ive always been haunted by it. At all ages i have been haunted by the fact i can never re-do any moment, never fix anything. This isn’t any different. I can’t redo my childhood. It’s gone, my one chance has passed. And that sucks, because i spent a lot of it miserable. But i can’t do anything about that now, can i. So i’m going to look forward. My future is scary but i’ll live. Maybe i won’t, but whatever happens happens.
So, how have i been? Sad mostly. But it’s fine. Actually a lot has happened, and i dont care for a long rant for each, so i’m gonna do a quickfire round
➧ Theres been a lot of trans discorse (mainly trans men vs trans women) on tumblr recently and its bumming me the fuck out. Why cant we all just hold hands and frolic in a field.
➧ i relapsed into self harm and i think it might have the potential to get worse but i don’t think so. I’m too scared to scar myself up more than i already have.
➧ i feel like a pretty selfish person and i’m trying to fix that. But also i think this might just be mental self harm
➧ My mum. Just like, generally.
➧ i’m terrified of sexual intimacy and i have deep rooted guilt about all my sexual desires and i keep having dreams about it
OK that sucked. Anyways, heres some things im looking forward to. Im kinda joypilled rn
➧ i’m making a comic. To deal with my issues. Idk if i’ll ever finish it but if i do i’m hosting it on neocities ONLY and you’ll be informed.
➧ Gorillaz are releasing a new album and music video on the 27th and im HYPE AS SHIIITT abt it
➧ i got accepted to all universities i signed up for, and i’m being interviewed at the best 2d animation college in europe on the 27th
➧ i’m gonna see 2 musicals in a few months and its gonna be awesome
➧ 5 year anniversary with my beautiful wifehusband next month
➧ i can drink alcohol now. Legally!!
So whatevar. Life can be cruel but i persist. Lets go cptsd gang